party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
