**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
