anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
