Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
