college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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