No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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