Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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