Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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