My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
