Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
