Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
