ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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