Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
