I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
