I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
