Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
