apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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