i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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