Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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