I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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