I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
