Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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