I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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