i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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