I'm lost and stupid without you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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