party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
