Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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