I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
