he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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