Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
