i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
