is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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