So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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