i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
