she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
