I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
