and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
