My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
