shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
