genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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