Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
