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He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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