I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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