dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
