im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
