Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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