I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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