Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
