I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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