I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
