Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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