Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
