Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
