when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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