So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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