If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
