I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
